1 00:00:36,004 --> 00:00:38,840 'The history of every major Galactic civilisation 2 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,766 'passes through three distinct and recognisable phases: 3 00:00:49,907 --> 00:00:53,453 'For instance, the first phase is characterised by the question: 4 00:00:56,072 --> 00:00:57,742 'The second by the question: 5 00:01:01,065 --> 00:01:02,991 'The third by the question: 6 00:01:05,817 --> 00:01:08,976 'Though it will take a large civilisation thousands of years 7 00:01:09,096 --> 00:01:11,806 'to pass through the how, why and where phases, 8 00:01:11,926 --> 00:01:14,840 'small social groupings under stressful conditions 9 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:18,556 'can pass through these phases with extreme rapidity thus...' 10 00:01:18,676 --> 00:01:20,575 How are doing? Badly. 11 00:01:20,695 --> 00:01:22,320 Why? Shut up! 12 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:27,894 Excitement and adventure and really wild things. 13 00:01:29,314 --> 00:01:31,792 'Excitement and adventure and really wild things 14 00:01:31,912 --> 00:01:35,154 'have been dogging Arthur Dent for some days. 15 00:01:35,274 --> 00:01:40,215 'He's had his planet demolished to make way for a hyperspace by-pass, 16 00:01:40,335 --> 00:01:43,900 'and has been confronted with the disconcerting knowledge 17 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:47,140 'that the Earth was not what it appeared, 18 00:01:47,260 --> 00:01:50,581 'but was in fact a gigantic super-computer 19 00:01:50,701 --> 00:01:56,242 'designed to calculate the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. 20 00:01:56,362 --> 00:01:59,577 'The answer to which is now known to be: 21 00:02:01,279 --> 00:02:06,680 'He and his companions have been blasted far forward in time 22 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,440 'to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, 23 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,960 'from which they're returning in a ship 24 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:16,125 'which could not in all honesty be said to belong to them. 25 00:02:16,806 --> 00:02:20,160 'Can they now relax for a while and take stock? 26 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:21,680 'No. 27 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:25,040 'The ship does in fact belong to Disaster Area, 28 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,880 'a plutonium rock band whose stage act traditionally ends 29 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:34,415 'with a black stunt ship on autopilot crashing into the heart of a nearby sun. 30 00:02:34,674 --> 00:02:39,582 'Of this, however, Arthur Dent and his companions are totally unaware. 31 00:02:39,805 --> 00:02:42,928 'They decide to relax for a while and take stock.' 32 00:02:43,048 --> 00:02:45,605 Listen, Earthman, you've a job to do. 33 00:02:45,725 --> 00:02:48,040 The Question to the Ultimate Answer, right? 34 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,397 There's a lot of loot in that head thing of yours. 35 00:02:50,517 --> 00:02:53,650 Where do we start? The Ultimate Answer's 42. 36 00:02:53,770 --> 00:02:57,237 What's the question? How should I know? It could be anything. 37 00:02:57,357 --> 00:02:59,024 What's six times seven? 38 00:02:59,423 --> 00:03:02,349 - 42! - Yes, I know that. 39 00:03:02,469 --> 00:03:05,423 I'm just saying it could be anything. Why ask me? 40 00:03:05,543 --> 00:03:09,582 'Cause you were the last one! You were there at the Big Firework! 41 00:03:09,702 --> 00:03:12,294 - I wish you'd stop saying that. - I know. 42 00:03:12,414 --> 00:03:14,607 Shut up, this is organism talk. 43 00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:18,120 It's printed in the Earthman's brainwave patterns, 44 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,852 but I don't suppose you'll be very interested in that. 45 00:03:22,239 --> 00:03:24,074 You can read my mind? 46 00:03:24,194 --> 00:03:25,685 - Yes. - And? 47 00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:28,902 It amazes me how you manage to live in anything that small. 48 00:03:29,022 --> 00:03:30,640 Abuse! 49 00:03:30,875 --> 00:03:33,400 Ignore him, he's only making it up. 50 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,353 Making it up? Why should I want to do that? 51 00:03:37,473 --> 00:03:41,440 Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it. 52 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:45,109 Marvin, if you knew all along, why didn't you tell us? 53 00:03:45,555 --> 00:03:49,560 - You didn't ask. - We're asking now. What's the question? 54 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,743 - The Ultimate Question? - Yes! 55 00:03:51,863 --> 00:03:55,240 - Of Life, the Universe and Everything? - Yeah! 56 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,840 - To which the answer is 42? - Yeah, come on! 57 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,440 You're not really interested. 58 00:04:12,070 --> 00:04:15,229 This ship knows where it's going better than we do. 59 00:04:15,452 --> 00:04:18,916 I could tell you weren't really interested. 60 00:04:19,036 --> 00:04:21,243 - Who does this ship belong to? - Me. 61 00:04:21,363 --> 00:04:23,911 - Who does it really belong to?! - Really me! 62 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,766 Property is theft, right? 63 00:04:25,886 --> 00:04:29,230 Therefore theft is property, therefore this ship is mine. 64 00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:33,602 - Tell the ship that. - Ship! This is your new owner speaking! 65 00:04:37,754 --> 00:04:42,005 OK, channel 9 on power. Testing channel 15. 66 00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:47,038 Channel 15, A-OK. Now in pre-sundive position. 67 00:04:47,158 --> 00:04:50,525 Put in under control of central-stage coordination. 68 00:04:50,645 --> 00:04:56,220 Ship locked into stage computer A-OK. Stand by for sundive. 69 00:04:56,340 --> 00:05:00,582 - Turn it off! - What does sundive mean? 70 00:05:00,702 --> 00:05:04,045 The ship is going to dive into the sun. 71 00:05:04,165 --> 00:05:07,916 Sun. Dive. It's very simple to understand. 72 00:05:08,036 --> 00:05:11,993 What do you expect if you steal Disaster Area's stunt ship? 73 00:05:12,113 --> 00:05:17,689 Marvin, what makes you think it's Disaster Area's stunt ship? 74 00:05:18,581 --> 00:05:20,061 Simple... 75 00:05:20,413 --> 00:05:22,331 I parked it for them. 76 00:05:22,451 --> 00:05:25,818 Then why...? 77 00:05:25,938 --> 00:05:27,960 Why didn't you tell us?! 78 00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:32,760 You said you wanted excitement and adventure and really wild things. 79 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,159 This is awful! 80 00:05:36,063 --> 00:05:38,160 That's what I said. 81 00:05:45,870 --> 00:05:47,720 Hi, there, Galactic rock fans! 82 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,992 Fine weather for the concert this afternoon. 83 00:05:50,112 --> 00:05:53,320 I'm standing here on stage in the desert, 84 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,321 and with my hyper-binoctic glasses 85 00:05:55,441 --> 00:05:59,800 I can just make out the huge audience on the horizon all around. 86 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:02,815 Behind me, huge speaker stacks rise like a cliff face, 87 00:06:02,935 --> 00:06:06,840 high above the sun is shining and doesn't know what's going to hit it. 88 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:11,035 The environmentalist lobby do know and claim the concert will cause 89 00:06:11,155 --> 00:06:17,399 earthquakes, tidal waves, hurricanes and other things they always go on about. 90 00:06:17,519 --> 00:06:22,403 But I've just heard that Disaster Area met with the environmentalists 91 00:06:22,523 --> 00:06:24,360 and had them shot! 92 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:29,478 So now nothing stands in the way of the concert going ahead today. 93 00:06:32,918 --> 00:06:35,572 - Know what I'm thinking? - I think so. 94 00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:37,607 Tell me what you think I'm thinking. 95 00:06:37,866 --> 00:06:40,200 - It's time to get off this ship. - I think you're right. 96 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,623 I think you're right. 97 00:06:42,386 --> 00:06:45,528 - How? - Quiet, we're thinking. 98 00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:50,202 So this is it? We're going to die. 99 00:06:52,868 --> 00:06:54,793 I wish you'd stop saying that. 100 00:06:55,322 --> 00:07:00,611 'One of the things Ford Prefect found hard to understand about human beings 101 00:07:00,731 --> 00:07:07,316 'was their habit of continually stating and re-stating the very, very obvious, as in: 102 00:07:17,242 --> 00:07:21,575 'First, Ford formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. 103 00:07:21,695 --> 00:07:26,360 'lf human beings don't exercise their lips, he thought, 104 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,408 'their mouths probably seize up. 105 00:07:29,913 --> 00:07:34,076 'After a while, he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. 106 00:07:34,346 --> 00:07:37,804 'lf they don't exercise their lips, he thought, 107 00:07:38,027 --> 00:07:40,598 'their brains start working. 108 00:07:41,056 --> 00:07:45,249 'In fact, this second theory is more literally true of the Belcerebon People 109 00:07:45,369 --> 00:07:47,447 'of Kakrafoon Kappa. 110 00:07:47,682 --> 00:07:52,840 'The Belcerebons used to cause great resentment amongst neighbouring races 111 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,680 'by being one of the most enlightened, accomplished 112 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:59,718 'and, above all, quiet civilisations in the Galaxy. 113 00:08:00,082 --> 00:08:01,981 'As a punishment for this behaviour, 114 00:08:02,101 --> 00:08:05,480 'which was held to be offensively self-righteous and provocative, 115 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:11,314 'a Galactic tribunal inflicted on them that most cruel of all social diseases: 116 00:08:11,434 --> 00:08:12,453 'telepathy. 117 00:08:14,789 --> 00:08:20,569 'Now, in order to prevent themselves broadcasting every slightest thought 118 00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:22,835 'to anyone within a five-mile radius, 119 00:08:22,955 --> 00:08:26,704 'they have to talk loudly and continuously about the weather, 120 00:08:26,824 --> 00:08:29,839 'their little aches and pains, the match this afternoon 121 00:08:29,959 --> 00:08:34,410 'and what a noisy place Kakrafoon has suddenly become. 122 00:08:34,868 --> 00:08:38,895 'Another method of temporarily blotting out their mind is to play host 123 00:08:39,015 --> 00:08:41,631 'to a Disaster Area concert.' 124 00:08:50,024 --> 00:08:52,760 This is it! We're starting to dive! 125 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,160 We're heading straight into the sun! 126 00:09:02,838 --> 00:09:06,807 - How many escape capsules are there? - None! 127 00:09:06,927 --> 00:09:10,800 - You counted them? - Twice! Raise the crew on the radio? 128 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,352 - I said there were people on board. - And they said? 129 00:09:14,472 --> 00:09:15,561 "Hi, there!" 130 00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:19,370 - You told them who you were? - Yeah. They said it was a great honour. 131 00:09:19,490 --> 00:09:21,425 What does "teleport" mean? 132 00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,445 What did you say? 133 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,932 - Probably the wrong moment. - Where's the teleport? 134 00:09:27,052 --> 00:09:30,603 Under this sign that says "Out of order". There. 135 00:09:32,399 --> 00:09:34,583 Hell's donkeys! 136 00:09:37,014 --> 00:09:42,033 It seems OK. Just the automatic where-we're-going system is cocked up. 137 00:09:42,153 --> 00:09:46,072 - Who cares? Let's just go! - Someone has to operate it manually. 138 00:09:46,776 --> 00:09:50,640 - Whoever it was would... would... - Wouldn't... 139 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:51,900 ...Escape. 140 00:10:00,771 --> 00:10:03,800 Hey, Marvin, kid! 141 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,440 How you doing? 142 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:08,399 Very badly, I suspect. 143 00:10:08,519 --> 00:10:12,933 - How would you like to... ...lay down my life selflessly for you? 144 00:10:13,053 --> 00:10:16,275 - Make the ultimate sacrifice? - Yeah. 145 00:10:16,395 --> 00:10:22,320 Consign my brain, which is the size of a planet, to death in a blazing sun, 146 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,765 so that you can all pursue your futile little lives? 147 00:10:26,117 --> 00:10:31,717 Yeah. Nothing personal. You don't count as a person, do you, kid? 148 00:10:34,253 --> 00:10:36,437 All right. 149 00:10:37,377 --> 00:10:40,840 - Come on, guys! - Better all get into the teleport. 150 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,384 Marvin, you stupid tin can, shift it! 151 00:10:45,276 --> 00:10:47,449 We really appreciate this. 152 00:10:56,229 --> 00:10:59,698 I suppose some people might expect better treatment 153 00:10:59,818 --> 00:11:05,344 after having waited 576,000 million years in a car park. 154 00:11:05,464 --> 00:11:06,979 But not me. 155 00:11:07,004 --> 00:11:09,043 I may just be a menial robot, 156 00:11:09,163 --> 00:11:15,934 but I'm far too intelligent to expect anyone to think of me for a moment. 157 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:34,725 Ford? 158 00:11:37,449 --> 00:11:38,541 Ford? 159 00:11:40,930 --> 00:11:42,081 Ford? 160 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:49,460 Arthur! 161 00:11:51,938 --> 00:11:54,415 - Arthur! - Ford! 162 00:11:54,803 --> 00:11:59,283 - Zaph? - Trillian? Where've they got to? 163 00:11:59,403 --> 00:12:03,510 There's no reason why we should all end up in the same place. 164 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,200 - Ah, well. - Trillian? 165 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,244 They could be anywhere. So could we, for that matter. 166 00:12:10,364 --> 00:12:11,840 Zaphod? 167 00:12:13,344 --> 00:12:14,635 What's that? 168 00:12:16,032 --> 00:12:18,588 Feet! Let's move! 169 00:12:19,645 --> 00:12:22,921 - That's the way they're coming from. - No, that's the way! 170 00:12:24,142 --> 00:12:25,405 You're right! 171 00:12:29,092 --> 00:12:30,095 This way! 172 00:12:55,583 --> 00:12:56,769 Joggers! 173 00:13:21,137 --> 00:13:23,955 - A funeral parlour? - Wild! 174 00:13:24,075 --> 00:13:27,301 - What's so great about dead people? - I dunno. What is so great? 175 00:13:29,402 --> 00:13:31,167 Look, a plaque. 176 00:13:35,873 --> 00:13:36,880 And a serial number. 177 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,080 - A dead telephone sanitiser? - Best kind. 178 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,978 - What's he doing here? - Not a lot! 179 00:13:43,235 --> 00:13:45,066 This one's a hairdresser. 180 00:13:45,771 --> 00:13:49,121 This one's an advertising account executive. 181 00:13:49,241 --> 00:13:52,397 A second-hand car salesman, third class. 182 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,579 Are you sure these are coffins? They're terribly cold. 183 00:13:55,699 --> 00:13:59,011 All right! Put your hands up and turn around slowly. 184 00:14:02,862 --> 00:14:06,400 - Why isn't anyone ever pleased to see us? - You're my prisoners. 185 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,677 - All right. - Move! Move! 186 00:14:08,797 --> 00:14:10,321 - Move? - Move! 187 00:14:10,932 --> 00:14:16,200 Left, right, left, right! Keep in line! Left, right, left, right! 188 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:20,247 Left, right, one, two, three! 189 00:14:44,162 --> 00:14:45,853 - Captain? - Yes, Number Three? 190 00:14:45,973 --> 00:14:49,364 I've had a sort of report-thingy from Number One. 191 00:14:49,774 --> 00:14:53,598 - Oh, dear... - Something about finding prisoners. 192 00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:57,872 Perhaps it'll keep him happy for a bit. He's always wanted some. 193 00:15:00,585 --> 00:15:04,160 - Captain, sir! - Hello, Number One. Having a nice day? 194 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:08,156 I've brought the prisoners from Freezer Base 7, sir. 195 00:15:08,848 --> 00:15:12,619 Hello! Excuse me not getting up, just having a quick bath. 196 00:15:12,739 --> 00:15:16,480 Well, gin and tonics all round, then! Look in the fridge, Number Three! 197 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,038 Certainly, sir! 198 00:15:18,355 --> 00:15:20,326 Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir? 199 00:15:20,446 --> 00:15:22,760 Why on Golgafrincham should I do that? 200 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,400 To get information out of them, sir, find out why they came here. 201 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:31,080 No, no. I expect they just dropped in for a quick gin and tonic, don't you? 202 00:15:31,311 --> 00:15:35,240 But, sir... they're my prisoners. Can't I interrogate them a little bit? 203 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:36,878 Oh, very well. 204 00:15:37,524 --> 00:15:40,424 - Ask them what they want to drink. - Thank you, sir. 205 00:15:40,544 --> 00:15:41,892 All right. 206 00:15:43,864 --> 00:15:46,387 You scum! 207 00:15:46,507 --> 00:15:49,710 - You vermin! - Steady on, Number One! 208 00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:52,023 What do you want to drink? 209 00:15:53,138 --> 00:15:56,392 Gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur? 210 00:15:56,512 --> 00:15:57,625 Yes! 211 00:15:57,966 --> 00:16:01,183 With ice or without? 212 00:16:03,132 --> 00:16:04,365 With, please. 213 00:16:05,809 --> 00:16:07,289 Lemon? 214 00:16:09,086 --> 00:16:13,148 Yeah. Do you have any of those little biscuits, the cheesy ones? 215 00:16:13,268 --> 00:16:15,661 I'm asking the questions. 216 00:16:15,781 --> 00:16:18,969 Number One, push off, will you? 217 00:16:19,089 --> 00:16:21,893 I'm trying to take a relaxing bath. 218 00:16:22,468 --> 00:16:26,566 May I respectfully remind you that you've been in that bath for over three years? 219 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:29,662 Well, one needs to relax a lot in a job like mine. 220 00:16:29,782 --> 00:16:31,564 Can I just...? 221 00:16:31,684 --> 00:16:34,089 Could I just ask you what your job is? 222 00:16:34,209 --> 00:16:35,568 - Your drinks. - Thanks. 223 00:16:35,688 --> 00:16:39,903 - I couldn't help noticing the bodies. - Bodies? 224 00:16:40,023 --> 00:16:44,726 Dead telephone sanitisers and account executives. 225 00:16:44,846 --> 00:16:49,886 They're not dead, no! They're just frozen. They'll be revived. 226 00:16:50,006 --> 00:16:54,501 - You've a hold full of frozen hairdressers? - Millions of them. 227 00:16:54,621 --> 00:17:00,455 Hairdressers, tired TV producers, insurance salesmen, personnel officers. 228 00:17:00,575 --> 00:17:03,163 Security guards, public relations executives. 229 00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:07,600 Management consultants. We're going to colonise another planet. 230 00:17:07,848 --> 00:17:09,668 - What? - Exciting, isn't it? 231 00:17:09,788 --> 00:17:12,435 - With that lot?! - Don't misunderstand me. 232 00:17:12,555 --> 00:17:16,544 We're just one of the ships of the Ark Fleet. We're the B Ark. 233 00:17:16,873 --> 00:17:21,476 Excuse me, could you run a little more hot water for me? 234 00:17:21,596 --> 00:17:23,691 - Yes, sure. - Thanks. 235 00:17:32,670 --> 00:17:37,554 - What's a B Ark? - Well, our planet was doomed. 236 00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:39,973 - Doomed? - Yes, so everybody said, 237 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:44,347 Let's pack the whole population into giant spaceships 238 00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:47,493 and settle on another planet. - A less doomed one? 239 00:17:47,613 --> 00:17:51,824 Precisely. So it was decided to build three gigantic ships. 240 00:17:51,944 --> 00:17:55,159 Three gigantic Arks in space. 241 00:17:55,279 --> 00:18:01,080 The idea was that into the first ship would go all the brilliant leaders, scientists, 242 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:05,000 the great artists, you know, all the achievers. 243 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:09,444 Into the third ship would go all the people who do the actual work, 244 00:18:09,564 --> 00:18:11,593 who make things and do things. 245 00:18:11,713 --> 00:18:16,146 Then into the B ship-that's us - would go everyone else, the middlemen. 246 00:18:16,266 --> 00:18:19,363 Of course, we were sent off first. 247 00:18:21,682 --> 00:18:24,960 - What was wrong with your planet? - It was doomed. 248 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:29,072 Apparently it was going to blow up or crash into the sun or something. 249 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:31,338 That's not what I was told. 250 00:18:32,254 --> 00:18:35,900 My commander swore that the entire planet was about to be eaten 251 00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:37,614 by a mutant star goat. 252 00:18:37,734 --> 00:18:39,669 - Really? - Yes. 253 00:18:39,789 --> 00:18:43,172 He said how lucky I was to be going off in the first ship. 254 00:18:44,651 --> 00:18:48,787 But they made sure they sent all you lot off first, anyway. 255 00:18:50,888 --> 00:18:55,589 Oh, yes! And everyone said - very nice I thought - 256 00:18:55,709 --> 00:18:59,837 how important for morale to feel that they were arriving on another planet 257 00:18:59,957 --> 00:19:05,160 where you could get a good haircut and where the phones were clean. 258 00:19:05,458 --> 00:19:08,135 Yes. I can see that'd be very important. 259 00:19:08,255 --> 00:19:10,107 - Can you? - Sh! 260 00:19:10,227 --> 00:19:13,500 And the rest of the ships followed on after you? 261 00:19:13,806 --> 00:19:16,177 Funny you should mention that, 262 00:19:16,297 --> 00:19:20,065 'cause curiously enough we haven't heard a peep out of them 263 00:19:20,185 --> 00:19:25,231 since we left five years ago, yet they must be behind us somewhere. 264 00:19:25,351 --> 00:19:26,722 Yes... 265 00:19:27,121 --> 00:19:29,441 Unless they're all eaten by the goat? 266 00:19:29,561 --> 00:19:32,541 The goat! 267 00:19:35,888 --> 00:19:40,484 Funny... Now that I come to tell the story to someone else... 268 00:19:41,376 --> 00:19:44,112 Don't you find it a bit odd, Number Three? 269 00:19:44,232 --> 00:19:47,606 - Well... - It is a bit odd, isn't it? 270 00:19:47,726 --> 00:19:50,682 - It's odd. - Yes, well... 271 00:19:50,802 --> 00:19:54,720 I can see you've a lot to talk about. So thanks for the drink. 272 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,880 Could you drop us off at the nearest convenient planet? 273 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,394 That's a little difficult, you see. 274 00:20:00,514 --> 00:20:04,281 Our trajectory thingy was pre-set before we left Golgafrincham. 275 00:20:04,401 --> 00:20:09,595 I think it was partly due to the fact I'm not really very good at figures. 276 00:20:10,194 --> 00:20:11,450 You mean... 277 00:20:11,570 --> 00:20:13,928 We're stuck here on this ship? 278 00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:18,558 When are you going to arrive at this planet? 279 00:20:18,678 --> 00:20:20,847 We're nearly there. Nearly there. 280 00:20:20,967 --> 00:20:23,078 I should be out of this bath, in fact... 281 00:20:23,198 --> 00:20:26,454 Oh, why stop just when I'm enjoying it? 282 00:20:26,574 --> 00:20:31,217 - We are about to land, then? - Not exactly land, no. 283 00:20:31,337 --> 00:20:34,280 As far as I remember, we were programmed to crash on it. 284 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,479 Crash?! 285 00:20:35,599 --> 00:20:41,407 Some reason for it, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. 286 00:20:41,747 --> 00:20:44,967 You're all a load of useless bloody loonies! 287 00:20:45,839 --> 00:20:48,938 Yes, that was it! That was the reason! 288 00:20:56,130 --> 00:21:01,590 'The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy has this to say about Golgafrincham: 289 00:21:35,710 --> 00:21:39,160 'Meanwhile, the remaining useless third crash-landed 290 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:43,120 'into the prehistoric dawn of a small blue-green planet 291 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:47,562 'at the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy.' 292 00:21:47,682 --> 00:21:49,600 It's odd, isn't it? 293 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:53,304 'With them are Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect. 294 00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:57,257 'They, too, have been travelling widely in distant lands. 295 00:21:59,183 --> 00:22:01,813 'Something is bothering them.' 296 00:22:03,276 --> 00:22:05,331 It's very, very odd. 297 00:22:06,094 --> 00:22:07,879 There is one way to find out, of course. 298 00:22:09,441 --> 00:22:12,552 - What, you mean by going to...? - Yes. 299 00:22:14,490 --> 00:22:15,719 All right. 300 00:22:39,997 --> 00:22:41,535 I said it was odd. 301 00:22:41,829 --> 00:22:44,846 Yes, I remember you saying. 302 00:22:45,457 --> 00:22:47,136 I can hardly believe it. 303 00:22:47,864 --> 00:22:49,883 I find it very easy to believe things. 304 00:22:50,412 --> 00:22:52,374 I wonder how the Golgafrinchans are doing? 305 00:22:52,494 --> 00:22:53,607 Do you? 306 00:23:08,182 --> 00:23:13,642 All right! I'd like to call this meeting to some sort of order, if possible. 307 00:23:13,762 --> 00:23:17,374 - Fancy a light trim, sir? - Not now, I'm in the bath! 308 00:23:17,494 --> 00:23:21,319 - Anyone else like one? - Please, we're trying to have a meeting. 309 00:23:21,439 --> 00:23:25,238 - If you'd all care to look at the agenda. - Hello! 310 00:23:26,506 --> 00:23:27,656 Hello! 311 00:23:28,208 --> 00:23:29,528 Who's that? 312 00:23:30,549 --> 00:23:31,535 Remember me? 313 00:23:31,655 --> 00:23:37,627 I... I made a discovery... I'd like to tell you about. 314 00:23:37,747 --> 00:23:40,881 - Is it on the agenda? - Agenda? 315 00:23:41,001 --> 00:23:44,000 Sorry, but speaking as a management consultant, 316 00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:48,001 I must insist on the importance of the committee structure. 317 00:23:49,891 --> 00:23:53,167 - On a prehistoric planet? - Address the chair! 318 00:23:54,130 --> 00:23:57,183 - There isn't a chair, only a rock. - Call it a chair. 319 00:23:57,653 --> 00:23:59,179 Why not call it a rock? 320 00:23:59,790 --> 00:24:01,504 Will you two shut up?! 321 00:24:01,624 --> 00:24:05,356 - I want to table a motion. - Boulder a motion, you mean! 322 00:24:05,755 --> 00:24:07,548 Thank you, I made that point. 323 00:24:07,901 --> 00:24:10,280 - Order, order! - If I could just say... 324 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,633 Order, order! 325 00:24:15,838 --> 00:24:19,466 I would like to call to order the 573rd meeting 326 00:24:19,586 --> 00:24:24,095 of the colonisation committee of the planet of Fintlewoodlewix. 327 00:24:25,081 --> 00:24:31,521 This is futile! 573 meetings and you haven't even discovered fire yet! 328 00:24:33,012 --> 00:24:35,600 If you care to look at the agenda, 329 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:40,406 we are having a report from the Hairdressers' Fire Development Sub-committee. 330 00:24:40,526 --> 00:24:41,865 That's me. 331 00:24:42,745 --> 00:24:43,966 That's you? 332 00:24:44,601 --> 00:24:45,869 What have you done? 333 00:24:46,702 --> 00:24:50,440 Well... they gave me a couple of sticks. 334 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,377 Yes. And? 335 00:24:58,085 --> 00:24:59,259 Curling tongs? 336 00:25:00,116 --> 00:25:02,370 You're going to die out, you know that? 337 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:07,320 You are obviously being totally naive! 338 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,896 When you've been in marketing as long as I have, 339 00:25:11,016 --> 00:25:13,996 you know that before any new product can be developed 340 00:25:14,116 --> 00:25:17,640 it has to be properly researched. 341 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:23,365 We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to its image... 342 00:25:23,485 --> 00:25:27,040 - Stick it up your nose! - Precisely what we need to know. 343 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:31,000 Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally? 344 00:25:31,728 --> 00:25:34,370 And the wheel! What about this wheel thing? 345 00:25:34,490 --> 00:25:36,760 They say it's a fascinating project. 346 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,748 We're having a little difficulty there. 347 00:25:41,981 --> 00:25:46,768 Difficulty? It's the single simplest machine in the entire Universe! 348 00:25:46,888 --> 00:25:52,521 All right, Mr Wiseguy! You're so clever, you tell us what colour it should be! 349 00:25:52,850 --> 00:25:55,410 O Mighty Zarquon! 350 00:25:55,643 --> 00:25:58,296 - Has no one done anything yet? - Yes! 351 00:26:01,166 --> 00:26:04,266 I have declared war on the next continent. 352 00:26:04,489 --> 00:26:07,504 Declared war? There's no one living there. 353 00:26:07,624 --> 00:26:10,400 Yes. But there will be one day. 354 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:14,720 - So we've left an open-ended ultimatum. - What? 355 00:26:14,963 --> 00:26:17,652 And blown up a few military installations. 356 00:26:18,180 --> 00:26:21,643 - Military installations, Number Two? - Yes, sir. 357 00:26:21,763 --> 00:26:24,602 Well, potential military installations. 358 00:26:25,412 --> 00:26:27,443 All right, trees. 359 00:26:28,077 --> 00:26:30,560 And we interrogated a gazelle. 360 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:36,560 And one of our surviving film producers rescued a camera from the wreckage. 361 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:40,440 He wants to make a documentary about you, Captain. 362 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,040 That's awfully nice. 363 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:45,422 Yes, he's got a really strong angle on it. 364 00:26:45,542 --> 00:26:50,296 The burden of responsibility, the loneliness of command... 365 00:26:50,416 --> 00:26:53,184 I wouldn't overstress that angle. 366 00:26:53,304 --> 00:26:56,466 After all, one's never alone with a rubber duck. 367 00:26:59,367 --> 00:27:03,324 If we could move on to the subject of fiscal policy? 368 00:27:03,444 --> 00:27:05,468 Fiscal policy? 369 00:27:05,588 --> 00:27:09,343 How can you have money if none of you produces anything? 370 00:27:09,463 --> 00:27:11,116 It doesn't grow on trees. 371 00:27:11,236 --> 00:27:15,160 But since we decided to adopt the leaf as legal tender, 372 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:19,038 we have all of course become immensely rich. 373 00:27:19,158 --> 00:27:24,760 But we have run into a small inflation problem owing to high leaf availability. 374 00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,200 That means the current rate is something like 375 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:31,520 three major deciduous forests buy one ship's peanut. 376 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:36,528 In order to obviate this problem and revalue the leaf, 377 00:27:36,648 --> 00:27:40,532 we've decided on an extensive campaign of defoliation 378 00:27:40,652 --> 00:27:43,545 and burn down all the forests. 379 00:27:43,665 --> 00:27:48,934 - I think that's a sensible move, don't you? - Fiscally shrewd! Fiscally shrewd! 380 00:27:50,350 --> 00:27:53,394 You're mad, you know that, don't you? 381 00:27:53,805 --> 00:27:58,044 Is it appropriate to inquire what you've been doing all this time? 382 00:27:58,164 --> 00:28:02,000 You and that other interloper, missing for months? 383 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:03,596 We've been travelling. 384 00:28:04,172 --> 00:28:05,334 We've... 385 00:28:06,532 --> 00:28:09,960 We've been trying to find out something about this world. 386 00:28:11,369 --> 00:28:15,737 That does not sound very productive to me. No. 387 00:28:15,857 --> 00:28:18,705 Well, have I got news for you! 388 00:28:18,825 --> 00:28:22,770 It doesn't matter a pair of fetid dingos' kidneys what you do. 389 00:28:22,890 --> 00:28:26,188 Burn down the forests. It won't make a scrap of difference. 390 00:28:26,308 --> 00:28:29,604 You see, I've seen the future. 391 00:28:29,933 --> 00:28:32,200 Two million years you've got, and that's it! 392 00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:37,229 At the end of that time, your race will be dead. Gone. And good riddance. 393 00:28:38,027 --> 00:28:41,221 Remember that. Two million years. 394 00:28:45,945 --> 00:28:49,031 Strange chap. What about those documentary things? 395 00:28:49,151 --> 00:28:51,253 Just time for another bath! 396 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,545 Sponge, somebody! 397 00:28:54,085 --> 00:28:56,504 No, no, no! Honestly! 398 00:28:56,727 --> 00:29:02,058 "Y" scores five, and it's on a triple word score. I explained the rules. 399 00:29:02,293 --> 00:29:04,077 No, no, please! 400 00:29:04,197 --> 00:29:06,137 Put down the jawbone. 401 00:29:08,333 --> 00:29:12,044 All right, we'll start again. Please try and concentrate this time. 402 00:29:12,164 --> 00:29:14,803 Hi, Arthur, what are you doing? 403 00:29:15,049 --> 00:29:17,332 I'm trying to teach them Scrabble. 404 00:29:17,452 --> 00:29:21,597 It's uphill work. The only word they know is "Ugh", and they can't spell it. 405 00:29:21,820 --> 00:29:25,061 - What's the point in that? - To make them evolve. 406 00:29:26,259 --> 00:29:29,725 Imagine a world descended from those cretins over there! 407 00:29:29,845 --> 00:29:32,485 - We don't have to, we've seen it. - But honestly! 408 00:29:32,605 --> 00:29:34,328 We've seen it. There's no escape. 409 00:29:35,009 --> 00:29:38,082 - Did you tell them what we discovered? - What? 410 00:29:38,202 --> 00:29:40,571 Norway. Slartibartfast's signature on the glacier. 411 00:29:40,691 --> 00:29:44,680 - What'll that mean to them? - It means this is the Earth! 412 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,985 - My home. Where I was born. - Was? 413 00:29:47,105 --> 00:29:49,557 - Will be. - In two million years' time. 414 00:29:49,677 --> 00:29:54,113 Tell them that and see what they say. They'll chase you up a tree! Face it... 415 00:29:54,336 --> 00:29:59,347 Those zeebs over there are your ancestors. Your Scrabble board won't save your race. 416 00:29:59,467 --> 00:30:03,312 The human race is currently standing around a bath making documentaries! 417 00:30:03,432 --> 00:30:06,811 - Surely we can do something? - It's all been done, we've seen it. 418 00:30:06,931 --> 00:30:12,348 You know the history of the Earth and its demolition by the Vogons. 419 00:30:12,468 --> 00:30:14,027 You can't change anything. 420 00:30:17,285 --> 00:30:20,890 And all because the Golgafrinchans arrived here on their B Ark! 421 00:30:23,121 --> 00:30:24,143 Ah, well. 422 00:30:27,101 --> 00:30:28,758 Poor bloody cavemen! 423 00:30:29,439 --> 00:30:32,151 It's all been a waste of time for you, hasn't it? 424 00:30:34,042 --> 00:30:36,942 Out-evolved by a telephone sanitiser! 425 00:30:38,421 --> 00:30:42,793 - He's pointing at the Scrabble board. - Probably spelt "library" with one R. 426 00:30:45,623 --> 00:30:46,867 No, he hasn't. 427 00:30:48,675 --> 00:30:50,205 No, look! 428 00:30:52,189 --> 00:30:54,831 The experiment! 42! 429 00:30:54,951 --> 00:30:58,612 Deep Thought's answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and whatever! 430 00:30:58,732 --> 00:31:00,979 Everything! 42! 431 00:31:01,099 --> 00:31:06,568 Of course! The experiment to find the question to that answer. 432 00:31:06,688 --> 00:31:09,386 It's going on all around us, here. 433 00:31:09,914 --> 00:31:13,800 The Earth. The ground. The trees. 434 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,422 The water. The rocks. The cavemen. 435 00:31:21,327 --> 00:31:24,180 Terrific! We've cocked it up. 436 00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:27,256 The Golgafrinchans, us, just by arriving here. 437 00:31:28,172 --> 00:31:32,022 The caveman is part of the program, and they're dying out because of us. 438 00:31:32,142 --> 00:31:34,241 Therefore, no question. 439 00:31:36,179 --> 00:31:40,332 - What about my brain? - What about your brain? 440 00:31:40,452 --> 00:31:43,725 Marvin said the question was printed in my brainwave patterns. 441 00:31:43,845 --> 00:31:48,250 - Wrong question. It's still cocked-up. - It might give us a clue. 442 00:31:48,543 --> 00:31:51,044 If it's in your brain, how are we going to get at it? 443 00:31:51,984 --> 00:31:56,320 How about... if it's in my brain, and I can't reach it, 444 00:31:56,555 --> 00:31:59,303 suppose we introduce some random element 445 00:31:59,423 --> 00:32:02,238 - Shaped by the brainwave patterns? - Such as? 446 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,346 Pulling out letters from the Scrabble bag. 447 00:32:06,262 --> 00:32:08,516 - Brilliant! - Right! 448 00:32:16,085 --> 00:32:18,293 Right. First four letters. 449 00:32:19,173 --> 00:32:23,005 W... H... A... T. What. 450 00:32:23,369 --> 00:32:24,614 Great. It's working. 451 00:32:25,917 --> 00:32:28,078 D... O... Y... 452 00:32:28,198 --> 00:32:30,450 Doy. Doyo! 453 00:32:31,365 --> 00:32:34,880 U... G... Doyoug? 454 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,071 Ah! E... T... 455 00:32:37,191 --> 00:32:43,485 Do you get. What do you get... 456 00:32:45,023 --> 00:32:46,103 If... 457 00:32:46,223 --> 00:32:51,990 Y... O... U... M... U... 458 00:32:52,906 --> 00:32:55,250 Multi... 459 00:32:55,732 --> 00:32:57,423 P... Multiply! 460 00:32:59,325 --> 00:33:03,493 S... I... x... 461 00:33:03,613 --> 00:33:06,286 Six... by... 462 00:33:06,509 --> 00:33:10,783 N... I... N... E. Nine! 463 00:33:12,039 --> 00:33:15,799 Six... by... nine. 464 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:17,678 Is that it? 465 00:33:19,064 --> 00:33:20,111 That's it. 466 00:33:20,956 --> 00:33:24,537 Six by nine? 42...? 467 00:33:25,171 --> 00:33:28,107 I always said there was something fundamentally wrong with the Universe. 468 00:33:28,424 --> 00:33:29,974 All for that! 469 00:33:30,502 --> 00:33:31,475 Yep! 470 00:33:33,753 --> 00:33:35,268 It's very sad, you know. 471 00:33:37,487 --> 00:33:40,434 Just at the moment it's a very beautiful planet. 472 00:33:40,775 --> 00:33:43,753 It is. It is indeed. 473 00:33:44,188 --> 00:33:46,242 The rich primal greens. 474 00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:49,800 The river snaking off into the distance. 475 00:33:50,129 --> 00:33:51,988 The burning forests. 476 00:33:52,539 --> 00:33:56,884 And then in two million years, BANG! It gets destroyed by the Vogons. 477 00:33:58,117 --> 00:34:00,700 What a life for a young planet to look forward to! 478 00:34:01,005 --> 00:34:02,319 What a waste! 479 00:34:02,439 --> 00:34:04,656 Well, better than some. 480 00:34:05,678 --> 00:34:08,014 I read of one planet up in the 7th Dimension 481 00:34:08,134 --> 00:34:11,055 got used as a ball in inter-Galactic bar billiards, 482 00:34:11,175 --> 00:34:14,394 got potted straight into a black hole, killed 10 billion people. 483 00:34:14,514 --> 00:34:17,282 Madness, total madness! 484 00:34:17,541 --> 00:34:19,408 Only scored thirty points, too. 485 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:25,040 Where did you read that? Hm? A book. 486 00:34:25,354 --> 00:34:28,560 - What book? - The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. 487 00:34:28,818 --> 00:34:29,980 That thing!